friday the 13th

Dear blog,

Last friday the 13th of April 2018, I married the man I love the most, the man I deserve, the man who deserves all my love, Edward. It was a 5-min court wedding, headed by an LA deputy commissioner Nobody knows about it, except the one reading this online (that's you!), family and closed friends. that's all you need to know, I'll update this one soon.

PS: Dear reader, don't tell anyone, message me in facebook or twitter or instagram if you have any questions hahahahaha.

catching up

Dear blog,

Matagal na pala akong hindi nakakapagsulat, sobra na rin palang 1 year, masyado atang mahabang hiatus yun ah. anyway, wala namang nagbabasa nito kundi ako lang, medyo nabusy ata ako sa school last year, internship, lovelife tska work as of the moment. hayaan mo at magpopost ako ng marami sa susunod na mga araw, iisa isahin ko yun from my last post February 2015, uumpisahan ko saMarch 2015 kung maaalala ko pa, sayang rin yung mga memories, habang maaga pa, try ko ireminisce lahat sa makakaya ng brain cells ko. Sarap kayang balik balikan ang mga memories, good or bad, nakaugalian ko na kasing magbasa ng blog ko tuwing new year para maalala ko ulit kung anong pinanggagawa ko sa taon na yun.

Para akong baliw noh, nagsusulat nito pero yung approach still talking to myself haha.

Okay, hanggang dito na lang, sa susunod ulit.

PS: daming pagbabago ng blogger ah.

first post for 2015, happy new year kahit medyo late na

hi blog, dito na naman ako. first post for 2015 ko pa lang ito, nakalimutan kong magsulat ng year end review for 2014, well to sum it up, namatay si tatay, nagkasyota ako, bumalik ng amerika, nagkatrabaho at ngayong last day ng january 2015, nagtatrabaho pa rin as caregiver. kahit papaano, gumanda rin naman buhay ko sa katapusan ng taon, nagkasweldo ako, may pera ako, enough na makapag ipon for my 1 year school, 1yr allowance, 1yr rent for myself para sa pag uwi ko sa pinas, may sobra pa, nakakapagshopping pa ako for myself and some pasalubong, i can eat whatever i want pa. medyo maswerte na ako kahit caregiver lang at least ang sweldo ko for 1wk pang 1month na sa pinas as pharmacist, yun lang pampalubag loob ko sa sarili ko, kahit napakadegrading, sayang kasi ang pinag aralan ko at lisensya, pero di naman ito pang habangbuhay, nagsisimula pa lang naman.

anyway, andito ako kasi andami ko namang thoughts and worries, nag ooverthink na naman ako, haaaay sana matapos na yung isyu sa maguindanao vs saf, sana madala lang sa usapan, wag na sanang mag ka all out war, 30min lang kaya ang layo ng isulan sa maguindanao. speaking of all out war, leche yan, yan ang pinag awayan namin ng syota ko kagabi, ayun, cold war na naman kami, nainis kasi ako sa kanya yung sabihin nyang okay lang mag ka all out war, alam ko namang hindi nya talaga gusto kasi nga malapit kami sa war zone, pero ayoko talaga, galit ako, pero mas galit ako nang bigla siyang nagalit, ayun, biglang tinapos na walang paalam ang video chat namin, nakakainis, nagsorry naman sya, pero ayoko muna siyang kausapin kasi nga galit ako. di niya alam 3 consecutive nights na akong nag iiyak everytime nareremember ko ang posibleng all out war sa area namin, pati ba naman sa dreams ko eh nasasali ang mga military tanks, basta, naiinis ako. naiinis rin ako kasi pinapamukha niya ako yung palaging iniitindi nya, ako na lang palaging may kasalanan, sorry naman kung palagi akong mareklamo, moody, biglang nagagalit at hindi magpapatalo sa mga agumento. bahala na, tapos im sure mamayang gabi o bukas or next days  it's either ako ang magsusuyo or sya tapos magbabati din naman kami tapos sweet sweetan na, ay leche, love nga naman, okay, february na bukas, bday month ko na, wala ako pakialam sa feb 14, yung last yr kasi di ko alam kunf best or worst yung valentines day ko, best kasi somehow im with tatay sa last valentines day nya, he's in ICU pa naman nun, or worst kasi nga last valentines na namin yun together. 

sa syota ko, i love you, suyuin mo naman ako mamaya oh, or pataasan pa tayo ng pride? okay, gutom na ako. tagal pa ng lunch, time check 10:42 am january 31, 2015

how do u conceal puffy eyes?

i don't know what I did, 2014 is just so not for me. this is not my year, my tatay died, my mom left me in a foreign country, I dont have health insurance and I need to work to live because i have nobody to accompany me, and what's making it not my year again? my boyfriend who I thought is really the one for me, broke up with me. Sakit.

if you happen to read my previous post which i converted to draft (u cant read it anymore), i'm so sorry and i don't have the intention of judging you or insulting you. I highly respect you, what I wrote before was due to my jealousness and because i was really really mad at him. i'm so so sorry. nadala lang talaga ako sa emotion, I hope you understand. but, how did u get here?

flying back and trying my luck in America

Hi bloggie, I miss you, I miss writing here.

I actually haven't finished my previous post, bahala na. I'll start a new one here. Now, where do I start?

Oh yes, here, my new life in America, being miss independent.

After the death of my tatay, my mom and I flew back to America, this time, trying my luck in Los Angeles. I went back to find a job, try my luck and to move on from what happened and to forget the tears and sorrow my family had. I was completely a couch potato for the first month stay here, I just can't stay in the apartment doing nothing, so I decided to fill up employment forms from health care agencies, browsed all available hiring companies, from sales ladies to cashiers to push carts to slaughter houses, to barista and all the job not relating to pharmacy and all typical work when you're still starting. I'm desperate of having a job that would help me pay my rent and buy food. well, none of the big companies called me. Finally, a call from the health care agency, that was really precious, finally, a first paid job after 1 year tambay. I worked as a caregiver, a work that I sworn to myself that I will never ever try. I ate my words haha. Well, desperation for money led me to do so, and being a caregiver isn't that bad at all, it's a decent work and pays you well. My first ever caregiving experience was not that really bad, I was like a private nurse and a security guard. The agency paid me $120 for 12 hours, not bad, I did nothing, I was reading a botanical book the whole time, my patient almost sleeps a whole day but not in coma. The next week, I had another call, they paid me $100 check for a 24-hr stay-in caregiver, seriously, I was just texting and watching tv the whole time. what else? Ah, yes, another call from the same agency, a 3-day stay-in work, that was really toxic, they paid me $130/day, I survived 3 days without tv, internet, just my ipad. So I almost had $500 plus savings in my bank acct, not bad. Then I stopped accepting calls from the agencies. 

Because I have to review for my certified pharmacy technician exam. I reviewed for 2weeks. The exam was reaaaaaaaaaallllly haaaaard, I had a headache taking that, more difficult than the Pharmacy licensure exam in Ph. It's more on US pharmacy laws, business administration, pharmacy reimbursements, mktg, insurance policies, way too far from what I've learned in my college. But yes, I passed the exam. Thank You Lord. I am now Jo Anne D. Aujero CPhT here, stands for certified pharmacy technician. My license is recognized nationwide. After receiving my cpht license, I started to process my requirements for my California State pharm tech license, one requirement was of course my cpht license. AND RIGHT NOW I'M STILL PATIENTLY WAITING FOR MY STATE LICENSE, OH GOD, IM WAITING FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS NOW, I NEEEEEEED MY LICENSE NAAA TALAGA SO I CAN FIND A PHARM TECH JOB/VOLUNTEER NA HERE IN CALIFORNIA.

And, right now, Typing this, I'm actually at work, yes, I have a regular work, still, as a caregiver 4x a week. I'm on my 2nd month already. I love this work, I have fast internet access, tv, a good bed and bathroom, free food and a nice patient (but sometimes maldita), her cute lawyer na apo and very very nice patient's daughter and a very very annoying dog. I love this white family, oh they're Jews. But this is kind of a boring work, right now, I'm in bed, browsing the internet for 4 staright hours because my patient is always sleeping or just watching tv. I actually don't work at all, I just give her food and medications and some daily hygienic care. I can watch movies online without my patient bothering me. haha That's all, not that toxic. 

Yes, I'm starting to save. I don't do shopping anymore unlike the first month, and yessss I bought an HTC phone out of my own money, shop for my dresses and some pasalubongs for my family in Ph, do all groceries and pay rent all from my pocket. I better save more for my school next year, yay, can't wait to go home to study, be independent and of course, to see my family, friends and boyfriend. I have a boyfriend, that would be a separate post. bye.

reminiscing the first half of 2014

hi blog, tagal ko na rong hindi nakapagpost, i miss you. i will try to remember all the events happened after nung last blogpost ko dito, my last post was dated january 9,2014. let's start with january 10 or 11 ata ito.

my sister and i were so busy preparing for my niece's 1st bday, designing the house, cooking desserts and all. it was evening of january 10 when i recieved a fb msg from my sisters saying, tatay was rushed into the hospital due to hypertension, he fainted too, he was unconcious. we thought it was just his usual hypertensive crisis incident, but it was not. my family in isulan told us that he was been snoring all the time, he said he was in a semi-comatose state, we panicked. i didnt sleep that night, yes, i was crying and praying at the same time. i can't sleep, but i need to because we have to prepare for my niece's bday on the 12th, i slept around 8am of january 11, i slept for an hour or two. i tried to be productive that day, tried to sleep again but i just cant sleep, my tatay's situation made me so worried, he was still in coma state. 12th of january came, at the middle of the party, i went to my room to ask for updates about tatay, still, bad news, i cried. after almost 4 weeks in the ICU, my tatay is still in coma, my sisters told me he opened his eyes everyday for about 3-5 seconds, then that's it. it came to a point that my nanay was so worried because tatay has not opened his eyes for 4days, the doctors said, he was still in a deep coma. we recieved a call in the middle of the night from my brother and sister in Ph, they asked us to come home. maybe because something will happen. on the 14th day of february, we arrived in general santos city. on the next day, we visited tatay in the icu, my sister stayed for only 4 nights because she still has work to do and of course, her family in vegas needs her. i stayed there to help nanay and to watch and care tatay in the icu. 

i celebrated my bday in gensan, with tatay, still in the icu and with nanay, we just ate at pizza hut with my cousins in sm and ate dinner with niña and leander at sm too, of course, i'm thankful because they remembered my bday, they brought cakes too, somehow, my stress level went down. on the 19th, i celebrated it with jandi and zaf, we had fun too. our (nanay and i) daily life in gensan was full of stress, we ran out of money, energy and sometimes, hope. we get up at 6am, and go to thew hospital at 7 or 8am, and go home around 6-9pm, depending on tatay's case. i experienced, okaaay wait, i can't finish this, im crying already, i remembered all the heartbreaking scenes in the hospital, i cant breathe

first post for 2014

maayo nga bag-ong tuig mga friends, ma ilonggo lang ko, kapoy isip sing tama nga grammar.

ambot ngaa ko gibuksan ang blogger.com, wala man ko topic or maski ano nga gusto ishare. ah, maisip anay ko, ano man? ay sige, ari oh

akon ante, sa side ni tatay, napatay, si ante inday, tungod daw sa lung cancer, namisdiagnosed pa gid sya, kaluoy. pero at least, nakapahuway na gid sya tarong, nakita ko man abi iya sufferings kag sacrifices tong buhi pa sya, masubo lang gid, new year pa gid abi kag 4 days after her 71st bday. sige lang, upod niya man ang Ginoo naton.

ari, mashare naman ko sa akon love life, ay hindi man sya love life, pero ambot kung LOVE gid man, gaduha duha pako kung love ko gid man sya or char2 lang siguro, pero basta bal-an ko nahurt gid ako tong nagdesisyon kami na keep distance anay kami, ahay, wala pa gane isa ka semana ang bag-ong tuig nakahibi na ko ya. amo abi ni oh, chatmate kag textmate ko sya tong sa pilipinas ako, asta nakaabot ko 4 months dire sa vegas, sya akon kaistorya kada hapon asta gab-i asta mag alas dos sing kaagahon (sa pinas morning-afternoon), amo ako sina magpulaw sa internet para lng maistorya sya, video chat, voice msgs, text msgs, maski tong Christmas kag new year, nag video chat kami, siyempre makahappy, kay ginakilig ko, at least bal-an ko may tao nga special ang tan.aw sa akon, hambal niya pa gane, gitrato nya ko as "uyab" nya, inlove daw sya sa akon, ako naman, hindi ko bal-an, pero siyempre hnd mn ko magdeny, gusto ko man sya. alangan, magpulaw ba ko asta 2am kung di ko sya gusto?? pero gipigilan ko lang gid kay hindi pa pwede, malayo ang las vegas sa davao, wala pako trabaho and most of all, wala pako kwarta pangbakal ticket, kag siyempre, career first anay ko. pero basta nahurt gid ko tong "keep distance" conversation namon, sa kadugayan sa amon online communication, ginapangita nya na presence ko, which is imposible pa subong. kung subong, mas madala ihatag ang love ko, kay sa presence. charaught gud. igat2 lang tani plano ko pay, pero boooom, nagsineryusohanay man. iba ni nga laki, hindi ni tong ex ko nga pirme ko ginamention sa akon mga posts. iba duman ni sya, mas maayo ni batasan.

subong nga tuig 2014, plano ko siyempre, mangita gid trabaho, mabalhin guru ko sa los angeles next month, didto ko mangita work, maski sales girl, or waitress anay tapos prcess ko dayun akon pharm tech certification sa state of california. sunod na ng gugma, bal-an ko may ara gid para sa akon, may gihatag gid ang Ginoo para sa akon, it's either nagmeet na kmi or magmeet pa kami sa future, pero bal-an ko may ara gid. lovable man ko nga babaye, gwapa man ko, buot man ko, ayos man akon personality, bright kag talented. chossssss. kabalo pa gid ko magluto, maghugas pinggan, limpyo balay, laba kag expert ko magbantay bata. limpyado man ko sa akon lawas, wala sakit kag determinado sa mga bagay2 na gusto maabot. amo lang to. kaihion na gid ko. publish ko na ni. babayu

2013

hi. it's been 5 months since my last post, sorry for not updating you bloggie, it's either i'm lazy or not in the mood or got nothing to share or all of the above. so kung hindi pa magnenew year, hindi rin ako magpopost. ugggh, i regret it, not updating u. but whatever, i'll post everything that i remember. okay. here it is:

JANUARY 2013

what i remember here is that, i started dating again my ex, yes, we dated, we watched a movie, talked, walked, ate, and what else? ah yah, we were texting and calling again. this was also the month of our class retreat in preparation for our graduation. i cried, like i-cried-to-the-point-that-i-cant-breathe. it was because of the letter sent by again, u know, my ex. i don't really remember what i did this time in school. all i remember was we were reviewing for our pharmacy licensure exam (PLE) and i was still seriously studying for finals, and of course, i was super excited for our graduation.

FEBRUARY 2013

what did i do? aaaah still busy in review for PLE and academics. it's the love season, i celebrated Valentine's with my girl friends. i haven't received any flower or chocolates or letters or anything cheesy stuff. i was expecting something from someone, but forget about it, there's nothing. it was feb 14, in abreeza, my friends were crying because of some heart breaking things were happening. it will never be forgotten. what else? ah, my 20th birthday. i and cyril (twin bday) with friends celebrated it at cafe laguna. we just ate dinner, talked and laughed. this was also the month that i was expecting someone will return, my ex boyfriend, but it did not happen.

MARCH 2013

this was the one of the most heart breaking month, my aunt died, at the same time, one of the happiest. i graduated in college. i was too bitter on its first week, that was the time my friends told me i wasn't a latin honor awardee. it's just heartbreaking, knowing that all my sacrifices in college and all my efforts and time were not enough. medyo nakakahiya kay nanay, umuwi ng pinas to attend my grad, she was expecting an award for me. this was also the time i was telling myself to forget my ex and to start moving on. last wk of march, i went back to america for a new visa stamp, stayed 8hrs in LA and 8 days in las vegas. went home again to continue my review for PLE

APRIL 2013

first week, still in America, enjoying my first spring season. went back to PH. i don't really remember every detail here, but i know i was still too busy in my review, the massive and intensive one.

MAY 2013

no social life. just massive and intensive review. i think, its last week was the start of our self review. i was studying and reviewing for like 10-12 hours a day. 8 hrs sleep, 4-6 hours eating/bath/napping/resting/doing nothing.

JUNE 2013

the PLE month. the nerve-cracking month. on june 10th, i filed my exam application in PRC. june 25th, the day i've been waiting for 4 years. judgement day. the PLE DAY. i took the examination without sleep. yes, WITHOUT SLEEP! i was awake for more than 24 hrs. after the last subject for that day, i slept for 10 hours. june 26th, last day of PLE. still, i was so nervous.

JULY 2013

PLE results came out. yes, I PASSED. with a board rating of 86 point something. not bad. haha. i dont really remember what i did on this month. i was a professional tambay in our house/isulan. its last week was our oath taking.

AUGUST 2013

started the month in a beach, in Gumasa!!!! yes, finally, after months of reviewing for boards, finally, beach and i finally met. thanks to my friend's thanksgiving party. i super duper megablockbuster enjoyed the beach, of course, what made it so fun was i was with my friends and foods. i also went to davao to attend another friend's thanksgving party and partied in kadayawan.

SEPTEMBER 2013

started the month in iloilo with some HS friendssssss, one of the highlights of my 2013. we went to guimaras, dived, rode a boat, ate mangoes, bought pasalubongs, PARTIED, got drunk. aaaahh, just enjoying life. on september 9th, i flew to the US, and yes, i'm here in las vegas, writing this one now. my BER months in america. september-up to now, i'm usually busy baby sitting my nieces and nephew, housekeeping, chatting with this guy and friends, sleeping or eating. got my pharm technician license in nevada.

OCTOBER 2013

first halloween trick or treat experience in america. what else? aaah, baby sitting, housekeeping, job hunting, chatting, sleeping, eating

NOVEMBER 2013

first thanksgiving day celebration, what else? aaah, baby sitting, housekeeping, job hunting, chatting, sleeping, eating.

DECEMBER 2013

first Christmas in America, celebrated it with my eldest sister, nieces, nephew and bro-in-law. and yeah, first fil-am Christmas party held at bullhead, AZ. what else? aaah, baby sitting, housekeeping, job hunting, chatting, sleeping, eating and writing this.

and yes, i finally moved on. and someone asked another chance from me. ang tagal niya ring nakarealize ng worth ko ha. and i said no. (haba ng hair).

medyo sad rin kasi wala pa akong trabaho, ni isang tawag, wala :( kthanksbye

random 2013 photos:

1. did this last march, for my niece's project. the first and biggest painting in a canvass/board that i did. (march)

 2. post-graduation studio picture with my parents (march)

 3. after boards studio picture (june)

 4. curled my long straight hair, and had my new bangs. new hair color too

 5. at my friend's thanksgivng party with some of my friends, enjoyed kadayawan after the party

 6. Guimaras (september)

 7. juicing and blending fruits and veggies. did this for like 2 mos (sep-oct)

 8. my 2 licenses, RPh license in Ph and pharm tech license in Nevada

 9. lying in gumasa sand (august)

 10. first halloween trick or treat experience in townsquare, las vegas. aye aye captian outfit. lol

 11. watched disney junior live with sister and fam.

 12. in MGM grand with my beautiful mother (fall season)

 13. Christmas pictorial

to sum it up. 2013 was just like another year i had in the past. got my heart broken, had regrets, laughs, tears, success and everything. thank You Lord for giving me an awesome 2013, especially for guiding me on those academic times, review months, 'down' moments but what i am most thankful for are the blessings you showered: graduation, pharmacist license, friends and of course, family. i love You so much Papa Jesus! i know You'll always be in my side this 2014.

(belated) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2014.

ps: medyo nahihirapan pa rin akong magsalita ng english. at medyo bad grammar pa rin sa pagsulat nito, haaaaay, life, parang buhay.

dito ko na lang i-retweet

I need to stop thinking about you because i know you're not thinking about me.

and it hurts me so bad.

licensed pharmacist

dear bloggie,

hi blog, i miss you. i miss writing random, stupid and nonsense things here. anyway, what i would like to tell you is that, i am now a REGISTERED PHARMACIST of the philippines. yes! thank You Lord Jesus Christ! You are the best! after how many years of studying, from kinder, grade school, high school to college, finally, my sacrifices and all the things i have done to be a professional paid off na jud!

i thought graduating in college is fulfilling, but becoming a professional and passing thr board exam and having 3 -letter ad on on your name is more fulfilling, feels like nirvana, eh?! haha. i know it is just another start of a fruitful chapter in my life. i got tons of rice to eat pa to become what i want to become! i got so many plans in my life right now, i am leaving for good on septermber 9, and will be staying in Vegas or Los Angeles, i was thinking of taking the pharmacy assistant exam, if i pass, i will work in a community pharmacy, say, walgreens or cvs, or in walmart. a 2- year experience maybe is enough, then i'll take the foreign state board exam in nevada or california, save money, stay and live in new york. ugh, i've been dreaming of living in new york, put up a house there, build a family, basta ganun. i know Lord God, tabangan jud nimo ko dire kay u never fail me jud, You are always generous and always here beside me.

• anyway, i am currently staying here in isulan, of course, sa akong HOME, it  does not feel like home anymore to me, because i just feel it. i just love the presence of my nieces and nephews, at least that makes our house a little of "homey". anyway again, i've been spending my days, 
• 
  
• nights here on baby sitting, eating, playing with the kids, and staying up online until 3 am. i'm enhancing my skills on stalking. haha. anyway, the word "stalk" came out, (okay, this is another story), i believe he has now a girlfriend, and it's breaking me into pieces, i don't know if i have really moved on or i have just pretended that i have moved on. but i do believe, that, i did not. :( honestly, this is really painful. i've been telling my friends, cousin, to set me up with a guy, you know, just to "hang out" or say "flirt" so i can totally forget him, i just don't know why i am so fcking in love with him, honestly, he's not even gwapo, he's not smart, puro rin naman wrong grammar/spelling, he's not even my type, i mean he did not meet my standards, i just do not know. ka sad ng life ko oi, but life must go on. i'm too loyal. makakamove on lang siguro ako kapag may bago. but it's okay lang talaga, REGISTERED PHARMACIST bitaw ko. haha. sa states na siguro ako makakakita. hehehehe. 

andami ko pang gustong sabihin, ito na lang muna, magbablog na ako at least twice a week, para naman marami akong basahin at the end of the year. self, stay strong!

PS: what is wrong with the blogger format here in ipad, i can't fix the the paragraph's alignment. ugh. take care!

random

of random things

graduation

hi, i am now a degree holder of bachelor of science in pharmacy and an RPh in the making. currently, i am busy with my self review for board exam on june. well anyway, as what i've said, i have just graduated from a local pharmacy school last march 2013. no, i did not graduate with  a latin honor title as what i've been aiming, i just did not, maybe it's not really for me, but i know i deserve that. i worked my ass off, i studied so hard, i woke up very early to study and stayed up so late in the evening to study. my final grades from 1st yr to 4th yr college were  above 85, my average was 90 something, my grades are enough to be cum laude, but i lacked extra curricular activities, again, cum laude is not for me. yes, i am so bitter, but i got no choice, i have to accept it, it's the best for me.

spring 2013

i went back to america after graduation, again, to get a "new stamp" in my visa, in order not to forfeit my immigrant status. nothing really  happened. as usual, i did baby sitting for 3 kids in vegas, stayed there for like 9 days, got my renewed nevada card and some mandalay bay tour and that was it. i went home to study and review for board exam. and i missed 4 days of pharmacology,  feels like i missed 2 years of pharmacy school!!!

summer review class

i was back to the real world after america, i was back in facing my books, reviewers and i was back in starvation and poverty. but i preferred these stuffs than you know, baby sitting, at least i have what you call "independence and freedom".  so here's the routine, 4 consecutive days of review classes, 2 days off (self study of what was reviewed in 4days), then 1 day exam.  it was so tiring, imagine, waking up so early for 8am reciew then staying up so late at night to study then waking up again before 8am blah blah, cycle cycle.. and it's finally over. now is the time for our self review/study. anyway, such a good thing to know that i topped 3 exams out of 14 subjects, without reading pacop or any reviewers (galing rin kasi sa mga reviewers ang exams) unlike what others did. i just relied on what i ve read, studied, notes and what i know, and some common sense too. i failed 1 exam and that was pharmacology, it hurts you know.

of love and my future

if you happen to read my post 2 months ago, that is about not moving on, well right now, i think there's this "progress", you know, i cant deny the fact that there is still something, but what i am trying to say is that, i am near the finish line of totally moving on which again is a good thing. i know i dont deserve him, and he does not deserve me either. i am 20 years old, soon to be professional. i think i have to be matured enough uhmmm. ang hirap i-explain, basta ganun, my future guy should be matured too, professional, yung lalaking may sense of humor, di nadadala sa temptasyon, working, faithful, effortful, i am not looking for a perfect man, i just need someone who finds me sexy despite of my very big braso, butod na tiyan, broad shoulders, or someone who will just love me for the restof my life, yung may contentment sa buhay, a man who is deserving to be my husband, to break my virginity. hindi naman ako nagmamadali sa pag-aasawa, point ko lang dito, 20 na po ako, kailangan na rin magmature,mag isip nang maayos para sa future, yung next na lalaking iboboyfriend ko, siyempre, sana siya na rin si future, ampanget naman kasi 20 kana, pa fling-fling pa rin? or anu yan? friends with benefits? 

continuing with science

i have this very ambitious goal, that is to study cancer (oncology) to become onco-pharmacist, but there's this big risk of infertility when you handle anticancer drugs. when i was in a jeep, i was also dreaming of studying molecular biology, that is, i want to become a geneticist, because i am so curious with this human genome project that i want to join them. haha. most of the time, i just want to proceed studying medicine, and be called doctora. 

you will never know

I’m so thankful and happy, midterm exams are finally over, but should i be happy with the future results? Well anyway, that is not the reason why I opened blogger, what I wanted to post here is something that I don’t usually post. I guess this would be lengthy post of my feelings, emotions, rants, hatred and whatever things that would pop out from my mind, and you will never understand this post, I tell you. I’m writing it now online for the following reasons:

• I’ve been carrying this burden/emotions/feelings for more than 6 months.
• I have no one to share this with, even my close friends or sisters, I’m not brave enough to tell them, I’m shy and it’s awkward and too corny.
• If ever I will die within 24 hours, at least there’s someone who will tell what I feel for the past months and as of now.
• It’s february, the LOVE month, so at least I have one good reason to be somehow corny.

To the someone whom i’m referring to in this post: i know you will never read this, you will never know my confessions, it’s okay. Let me start,

We broke up 9 months ago, I tried to move one when I was staying in Vegas, I diverted my attention in babysitting my niece and nephew. I went home last June, I know, what I did abroad never helped me. You started a facebook conversation, I told you I have not moved on and that I still love you. You never replied “i love you too”. I really cried that night and i told myself to move one. i was so lucky enough that my first semester for my 4^th yr in college was jam packed, thesis, thesis, thesis and duty. These kept me busy for a long time, it somehow helped me to forget you and move on. But actually there are times, whenever i feel so bitter with my friends’ partners or whenever i am alone, or whenever i’m bored because no one texts me, i thought of you all the time. Thinking that, you were still with me, and i was thinking too those happy moments we had and the text messages i sent you whenever i’m bored and alone. Before 2012 ended, we talked, there was reconciliation and a formal closure. After it, I realized I never moved on, I was still the same, so in love with you, and i don’t know why. January 2013, our retreat, you sent me a letter through a friend, i cried buckets, i regretted, i wished i have listened to you first, just pure regrets.  After a week, we saw each other again, we dated, we did what we did when we were still in the formal relationship. But we went out as “friends”, you said we can be best friends, but no, i don’t want a best friend, what i wanted was to stay just like that, just friends, no commitments  feelings attached but still called friends. But i never told you what i wanted. You told me too, that we feel exactly the same, nakamove on na ako, ok na wala ka, pero takot akong mapunta ka sa iba, i’m sorry, i lied in the “move on” part, as what i have said, i never moved on, i tried to, but shitness happens, i still can’t. And yes! I am too scared that you will fall for other girls out there. Maybe i just can’t accept the fact that we were not meant to be, and of course, i can’t accept the fact that you never loved me as i do to you. Sometimes, there’s a part of me who says you’re not worthy of my love, i deserve someone better. One who will fight for me and one who will never entertain/flirt other girls in facebook, chat, twitter or text and one who is never “too friendly” to girls. It seems that my previous phrases define me as a jealous woman and an insecure girlfriend, well you’re right. I get jealous all the time, that’s why we broke up (one of the reasons), i can’t stand myself from jealousy and you were too flirt. As of the moment, it’s been 2 weeks since your last text message, i know you’re trying to keep distance away from me, but whatever, you’re still enjoying flirting to other girls,  yes i’m jealous again and this should not be. I hope my busyness in school will help me to forget you and will help me to move on totally, and at the same time, i should focus more in my candidacy for honors and graduation is next. Reviews and modular exams for board exam are forces to help me totally get over you. I WILL TAKE THE JUNE 2013 PHARMACY BOARD EXAM. I WILL PASS THE JUNE 2013 PHARMACY BOARD EXAM AND I WILL TOP THE JUNE 2013 PHARMACY BOARD EXAM. And time will come we will be over, i will find a man for forever and it’s not you anymore. But before i end this post, what i really wanted to say is, i still love you and i miss you. Au revoir! this is really awkward and corny.

not really a year end post

hi blogosphere! happppy new year! this is not really the usual lengthy year-end review i usually write when new year strikes, this is a quick post.

to cut it short, here : 

2012 highlight

JANUARY- I don't really remember what happened or what i did, oooh! it was thesis formulation time, nothing special really happened, except for the flourished love life i have way back. haha

FEBRUARY- my 19th bday or should i say, last "teen" bday. usual routines happened, academics and love life.

MARCH- i think i was cramming this time because our final exams were set too early for manufacturing internship. this is also the month i received the letter of US embassy about my scheduled interview. a mini get together also with high school buddies after a long time.

APRIL- holy week, my brother went home and we went to lake cebu. my love life was comatose, nearly meeting its death. april made me so nervous for the visa interview and medical examinations at st lukes, special mention the genitalia exam, the worst exam ever. the last week was a good one, i finally received my US visa and immediately bought my plane ticket to America.

MAY- may 3rd to be exact, i set my steps in America, first state? hawaii. it was such a wonderful blessing from above! having solo international flights, dealing and communicating with people in which language is a barrier, but well, i have overcome all of these. next stop was the sin city, las vegas nevada, had a quality time with my sister and her family. casinos and beautiful lights all over. los angeles was next! hollywood, disneyland, universal, all were great experiences. of course, the ooozing sa lamig, next stop? san francisco! of course with the famous golden gate bridge! so happy at the end, got my green card already, and this makes me a permanent citizen, 5 more years and i'm a dual citizen!

JUNE- busy buying gifts and pasalubong for the people back in Ph. i went to back to Ph for 1st semester, was busy preparing for thesis and academics. 

JULY- my last pharmacy acquaintance party where i did impersonation (lip synching Dr. jones) and placed 4th (out of 12!). i was also the team leader of group Lyra, we won the 3rd place overall (out of 12 groups) not bad at all, right?

AUGUST-SEPTEMBER- I don't really remember specific events here, i think i am still busy dealing with academics and thesis here.

OCTOBER- final exam, last intramurals, thesis defense in a week. i started my manufacturing duty at RDL. and i went back to Los angeles and las vegas for a new stamp in my visa. went "gaga" over shopping and spent $$$$$, the highest so far.

NOVEMBER- i went back to PH for 2nd semester. still dealing with academics and coping up on my absences in hospital and manufacturing duties.

DECEMBER- 3 weeks of  studying and coping up again in duty. last week? the best, i had my elementary, high school and college reunions, get together and Christmas parties, maybe a farewell party too? haha. we'll see.

2012 was the best year so far for me, the best part i can say, of course except having a wonderful family, was my trip to America. i thank You Lord for a great year! cheers for that. i always have You Lord, you never fail me. 2013? what's in you? graduation? pharmacy license? staying for good? we'll see. keep calm and enjoy the rides brought to you by 2013. love you!

ps: i thought this was a quick post, but it wasn't. i talk too much.

The Strip video/photo diary

hi. this video was uploaded in youtube, it contains memories of my las vegas' strip tour last sem break. how i  wish i could go back now to America and celebrate Christmas with mom and sister.

back in PH for 2nd sem

as you all know, i went back to LA and las vegas (fall season) for sembreak vacation (wow, feeling rich lang ang peg!) and to have a new stamp for my visa (which is the main reason why i went back). most of you who know for pleasure lang yung visit, pwedeng oo, pero yung totoo kasi hindi ako makakastay ng pinas for more than 6 months, kung sumobra, eh di good bye american dreams na ako. that's why all of my plans now are set in america, my job, my career, my future, my life. it will depend on me na on how i will achieve my goals, i think i have grown enough to think for myself and for my future. chos! iyfyou're a reader of this blog, i have posted articles about my solo flight travel to america. kung bakit takot na takot ako, yung pag-iiyak ko whole day basta ganun. yung second time na, wala ng takot, medyo kampante na rin ako na kering-keri ko na. although kinabahan pa rin ng konti kasi ano, haha. sikreto ko na yun. as usual, the filipino air carrier pa rin ako, Philippine airlines, ewan ko ba, gusto ko sana ng maraming stop overs para masaya, sayang yung korean air, stopover sana sa seoul, sana next time, kahit 2 stopovers of different countries na. hehe. kahit 22 hours travel pa, i can manage now my vertigo, kering keri yan ng bonamine ko.anyway, i'm back to PH for second sem, when this sem ends, goodbye SPC forever and goodbye philippines na rin, hindi ko alam kung for good na, pero alam kong uuwi pa rin ako to take the board exam. ewan ko ba kung ano pa ang pwedeng mangyari. basta ngayon, ako'y isang babaeng walang pahinga, everyday, i wake up at 5 am or 6am for school, review and duty and umuuwi ng 5-9pm. then matutulog ng before 11pm, then gising na naman, the usual routine. hay buhay, sige lang, konting tiis na lang. may ginhawa na. 

daily routine
 monday- 9am-7:30pm class
tuesday- 7:30am-4:00 pm class
wednesday 7:30-7:30pm class
thursday 8am-3pm duty at RDL; 5:30-7:30pm- class
friday 8am-5pm RDL duty
saturday- pre board exam review 8am-5pm
sunday- pre board exam review or duty at san pedro hospital 8am-5pm

I CAN NOW SPEAK AND WRITE FRENCH, (LITTLE!) FRENCH CLASS IS KILLING ME, SRSLY.

salut monsieur/mademoiselle/madame!

i'm excited!

scarf= check
long sleeves/ turtle neck= check
leg warmer= check
ticket= check
baggage= check
passport= check
visa= check
pasalubong= check?!
boots= x    :((((

can't wait for fall 2012!

dear blog,

1st semester of this academic year has just ended! this means, i'm done with my thesis defense and all academic stuffs! (final exams + thesis revision + defense + intramurals in a week) yes! but i still need to revise our thesis though. God knows what my thesis group went through, all the sacrifices, efforts, sleepless nights, they all paid off. anyway, i'll be busy again with my hospital duty at san pedro hospital and my manufacturing duty at RDL laboratories. then 23 days na lang, i'll be back somewhere else. heehee. here's a photo that i wanted to share online  but never will in facebook. haha. i've been trying to be sexy in this photo, but i know i'm still not sexy. and God knows how desperate i am to have a flat tummy, i'm no good in cutting off my meals, i simply go for a NO SODA DIET, 2 weeks of this diet stuff was the longest so far. i just can't avoid coke! uggggh.

whatever

i'm happy for you and i'm happy for myself too (or not?) if people like you (who is reading this) know what i mean. thou shall move on or shall i?

i went to san franciso, and i thought it was new york

srsly, when i went to san francisco, i was insisting, YES! I AM NOW IN AMERICA!!!! and it feels like i'm in new york (based on movies/pictures of new york)

sorry lungs kung braggy or gimanol lang jud. but uggh whatever. every time i see photos like these below, it makes me wanna go back in san francisco, esp powell street!

went here, shopped here, and felt it was new york!

so far the largest and hugeeeeeessssssttt forever 21 place i've been to! 4-storey store! as in WOW o.0

kasi mas mura ang aldo sa labas?

insert vertigo here, srsly, nahilo ako.

feel na feel ko ang kalyeng ito.

*all photos are not mine, from Google, they belong to their photographers. haha

i don't have photos of me here, and i soooooo regret it. BB purely sucks at photos. if u know what i mean.

*quick post