first post for 2015, happy new year kahit medyo late na

hi blog, dito na naman ako. first post for 2015 ko pa lang ito, nakalimutan kong magsulat ng year end review for 2014, well to sum it up, namatay si tatay, nagkasyota ako, bumalik ng amerika, nagkatrabaho at ngayong last day ng january 2015, nagtatrabaho pa rin as caregiver. kahit papaano, gumanda rin naman buhay ko sa katapusan ng taon, nagkasweldo ako, may pera ako, enough na makapag ipon for my 1 year school, 1yr allowance, 1yr rent for myself para sa pag uwi ko sa pinas, may sobra pa, nakakapagshopping pa ako for myself and some pasalubong, i can eat whatever i want pa. medyo maswerte na ako kahit caregiver lang at least ang sweldo ko for 1wk pang 1month na sa pinas as pharmacist, yun lang pampalubag loob ko sa sarili ko, kahit napakadegrading, sayang kasi ang pinag aralan ko at lisensya, pero di naman ito pang habangbuhay, nagsisimula pa lang naman.

anyway, andito ako kasi andami ko namang thoughts and worries, nag ooverthink na naman ako, haaaay sana matapos na yung isyu sa maguindanao vs saf, sana madala lang sa usapan, wag na sanang mag ka all out war, 30min lang kaya ang layo ng isulan sa maguindanao. speaking of all out war, leche yan, yan ang pinag awayan namin ng syota ko kagabi, ayun, cold war na naman kami, nainis kasi ako sa kanya yung sabihin nyang okay lang mag ka all out war, alam ko namang hindi nya talaga gusto kasi nga malapit kami sa war zone, pero ayoko talaga, galit ako, pero mas galit ako nang bigla siyang nagalit, ayun, biglang tinapos na walang paalam ang video chat namin, nakakainis, nagsorry naman sya, pero ayoko muna siyang kausapin kasi nga galit ako. di niya alam 3 consecutive nights na akong nag iiyak everytime nareremember ko ang posibleng all out war sa area namin, pati ba naman sa dreams ko eh nasasali ang mga military tanks, basta, naiinis ako. naiinis rin ako kasi pinapamukha niya ako yung palaging iniitindi nya, ako na lang palaging may kasalanan, sorry naman kung palagi akong mareklamo, moody, biglang nagagalit at hindi magpapatalo sa mga agumento. bahala na, tapos im sure mamayang gabi o bukas or next days  it's either ako ang magsusuyo or sya tapos magbabati din naman kami tapos sweet sweetan na, ay leche, love nga naman, okay, february na bukas, bday month ko na, wala ako pakialam sa feb 14, yung last yr kasi di ko alam kunf best or worst yung valentines day ko, best kasi somehow im with tatay sa last valentines day nya, he's in ICU pa naman nun, or worst kasi nga last valentines na namin yun together. 

sa syota ko, i love you, suyuin mo naman ako mamaya oh, or pataasan pa tayo ng pride? okay, gutom na ako. tagal pa ng lunch, time check 10:42 am january 31, 2015

how do u conceal puffy eyes?

i don't know what I did, 2014 is just so not for me. this is not my year, my tatay died, my mom left me in a foreign country, I dont have health insurance and I need to work to live because i have nobody to accompany me, and what's making it not my year again? my boyfriend who I thought is really the one for me, broke up with me. Sakit.

if you happen to read my previous post which i converted to draft (u cant read it anymore), i'm so sorry and i don't have the intention of judging you or insulting you. I highly respect you, what I wrote before was due to my jealousness and because i was really really mad at him. i'm so so sorry. nadala lang talaga ako sa emotion, I hope you understand. but, how did u get here?

flying back and trying my luck in America

Hi bloggie, I miss you, I miss writing here.

I actually haven't finished my previous post, bahala na. I'll start a new one here. Now, where do I start?

Oh yes, here, my new life in America, being miss independent.

After the death of my tatay, my mom and I flew back to America, this time, trying my luck in Los Angeles. I went back to find a job, try my luck and to move on from what happened and to forget the tears and sorrow my family had. I was completely a couch potato for the first month stay here, I just can't stay in the apartment doing nothing, so I decided to fill up employment forms from health care agencies, browsed all available hiring companies, from sales ladies to cashiers to push carts to slaughter houses, to barista and all the job not relating to pharmacy and all typical work when you're still starting. I'm desperate of having a job that would help me pay my rent and buy food. well, none of the big companies called me. Finally, a call from the health care agency, that was really precious, finally, a first paid job after 1 year tambay. I worked as a caregiver, a work that I sworn to myself that I will never ever try. I ate my words haha. Well, desperation for money led me to do so, and being a caregiver isn't that bad at all, it's a decent work and pays you well. My first ever caregiving experience was not that really bad, I was like a private nurse and a security guard. The agency paid me $120 for 12 hours, not bad, I did nothing, I was reading a botanical book the whole time, my patient almost sleeps a whole day but not in coma. The next week, I had another call, they paid me $100 check for a 24-hr stay-in caregiver, seriously, I was just texting and watching tv the whole time. what else? Ah, yes, another call from the same agency, a 3-day stay-in work, that was really toxic, they paid me $130/day, I survived 3 days without tv, internet, just my ipad. So I almost had $500 plus savings in my bank acct, not bad. Then I stopped accepting calls from the agencies. 

Because I have to review for my certified pharmacy technician exam. I reviewed for 2weeks. The exam was reaaaaaaaaaallllly haaaaard, I had a headache taking that, more difficult than the Pharmacy licensure exam in Ph. It's more on US pharmacy laws, business administration, pharmacy reimbursements, mktg, insurance policies, way too far from what I've learned in my college. But yes, I passed the exam. Thank You Lord. I am now Jo Anne D. Aujero CPhT here, stands for certified pharmacy technician. My license is recognized nationwide. After receiving my cpht license, I started to process my requirements for my California State pharm tech license, one requirement was of course my cpht license. AND RIGHT NOW I'M STILL PATIENTLY WAITING FOR MY STATE LICENSE, OH GOD, IM WAITING FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS NOW, I NEEEEEEED MY LICENSE NAAA TALAGA SO I CAN FIND A PHARM TECH JOB/VOLUNTEER NA HERE IN CALIFORNIA.

And, right now, Typing this, I'm actually at work, yes, I have a regular work, still, as a caregiver 4x a week. I'm on my 2nd month already. I love this work, I have fast internet access, tv, a good bed and bathroom, free food and a nice patient (but sometimes maldita), her cute lawyer na apo and very very nice patient's daughter and a very very annoying dog. I love this white family, oh they're Jews. But this is kind of a boring work, right now, I'm in bed, browsing the internet for 4 staright hours because my patient is always sleeping or just watching tv. I actually don't work at all, I just give her food and medications and some daily hygienic care. I can watch movies online without my patient bothering me. haha That's all, not that toxic. 

Yes, I'm starting to save. I don't do shopping anymore unlike the first month, and yessss I bought an HTC phone out of my own money, shop for my dresses and some pasalubongs for my family in Ph, do all groceries and pay rent all from my pocket. I better save more for my school next year, yay, can't wait to go home to study, be independent and of course, to see my family, friends and boyfriend. I have a boyfriend, that would be a separate post. bye.

reminiscing the first half of 2014

hi blog, tagal ko na rong hindi nakapagpost, i miss you. i will try to remember all the events happened after nung last blogpost ko dito, my last post was dated january 9,2014. let's start with january 10 or 11 ata ito.

my sister and i were so busy preparing for my niece's 1st bday, designing the house, cooking desserts and all. it was evening of january 10 when i recieved a fb msg from my sisters saying, tatay was rushed into the hospital due to hypertension, he fainted too, he was unconcious. we thought it was just his usual hypertensive crisis incident, but it was not. my family in isulan told us that he was been snoring all the time, he said he was in a semi-comatose state, we panicked. i didnt sleep that night, yes, i was crying and praying at the same time. i can't sleep, but i need to because we have to prepare for my niece's bday on the 12th, i slept around 8am of january 11, i slept for an hour or two. i tried to be productive that day, tried to sleep again but i just cant sleep, my tatay's situation made me so worried, he was still in coma state. 12th of january came, at the middle of the party, i went to my room to ask for updates about tatay, still, bad news, i cried. after almost 4 weeks in the ICU, my tatay is still in coma, my sisters told me he opened his eyes everyday for about 3-5 seconds, then that's it. it came to a point that my nanay was so worried because tatay has not opened his eyes for 4days, the doctors said, he was still in a deep coma. we recieved a call in the middle of the night from my brother and sister in Ph, they asked us to come home. maybe because something will happen. on the 14th day of february, we arrived in general santos city. on the next day, we visited tatay in the icu, my sister stayed for only 4 nights because she still has work to do and of course, her family in vegas needs her. i stayed there to help nanay and to watch and care tatay in the icu. 

i celebrated my bday in gensan, with tatay, still in the icu and with nanay, we just ate at pizza hut with my cousins in sm and ate dinner with niña and leander at sm too, of course, i'm thankful because they remembered my bday, they brought cakes too, somehow, my stress level went down. on the 19th, i celebrated it with jandi and zaf, we had fun too. our (nanay and i) daily life in gensan was full of stress, we ran out of money, energy and sometimes, hope. we get up at 6am, and go to thew hospital at 7 or 8am, and go home around 6-9pm, depending on tatay's case. i experienced, okaaay wait, i can't finish this, im crying already, i remembered all the heartbreaking scenes in the hospital, i cant breathe